Ghosts I have been
by Jennifer Jolie
Summary: When seven girls try to call up the dead spirit of their Science teacher for answers before their big exams, they have no idea what is in store for them. Yes, this is a humour fic. Please r/r!


Disclaimer: This has been loosely based on a scene from the book _Ghosts I have been by Richard Peck. If you haven't read it, read it. It's an excellent book._

**All names have been changed.**

~*~

Storms collided outside, but the fluorescent lighting from inside made the windows shine mirror-bright. Eve fluffed her short, straight dark hair, neatly held in place by a velvet hairband, sighed, and idly began tossing her phone from one hand to the other, caressing its smooth metal surface. She was cold, hungry, tired, and incredibly fed up. She was also in bad need of a manicure. "Where _is he?" _

"You just called him ten minutes ago, idiot," snapped Nez, tightening her long ponytail to keep it from the harsh wind bustling through the open doors at the front and back of the room. "This isn't pizza hut."

Fo added her piece, long braid flying in the wind. "For Christ's sake this is a séance, Eve."

Shu rolled her eyes, having nothing better to do. "Remind me, why are we conducting a séance, and why in our bloody classroom?"

"How the heck should I know?" Nez jabbed towards Sam. "It was _her idea." _

"We thought it would be nice to have it in the last place we saw her," said Sam Wong somewhat apologetically.

"Then why not during the _day, __when we last saw her?" added Kylie. Sam Cheok nodded, eyes only half open._

"Alright, so it's nearly eleven, but we couldn't have escaped during the day. And since Chinese remedial ended late this week…" 

"It gets later and later, y'know?" All seven girls shivered in their school uniforms. 

"I'm free all weekend when he feels like showing," grumbled Shu. 

"Who _is he, Eve?" mumbled Sam C sleepily. "Not one of your exes, right?" Eve shot her a dirty look, then resumed tossing her phone and tut-tuting at her fingernails, polished a glittering pink. They __so clashed with her spectacles, now that she came to think of it._

Fumbling in a pocket, Nez produced a crumpled wad of paper. She smoothed it out and the others gathered around to read it.

World Renowned

PROFESSOR REGIS

Spiritualist, Medium, Scientist

An announcement of extraordinary interest to the good people of Singapore. Any persons bereft of loved ones and wishing to make contact with the

SPIRIT WORLD

May invite Professor Regis, who has astonished Crowned Heads of Europe to assist in making contact to

THE WORLD BEYOND!

All up-to-date techniques used, including table-rapping, actual manifestations, and words from the GREAT UNKNOWN spoken in English by a Control, an actual dead spirit which is UNIQUE to each person who conjures one. 

HEAR – Actual messages from your dead departed

SEE – THE ACTUAL MESSAGE BRINGER, lovely as dawn and trustworthy as the telephone

FEEL – The ghostly presence

Which will banish all hints of trickery from your mind.

Now at last break down the age-old barrier between this life and the next! Crowned Heads of Europe and New York City persons swear alike by Professor Regis. Do not let this strictly scientific opportunity pass you by.

No admission fees charged whatsoever.

Just a ring, and Professor Regis answers.

Skeptical persons invited, as well as the sincere.

"There you are," crowed Eve triumphantly. Shu rolled her eyes, having nothing better to do.

Suddenly a long shadow fell over the room. Sam W gasped theatrically. Shu rolled her eyes, having nothing better to do. 

Lightning flashed, briefly illuminating the figure. 

The man who stood in the doorway couldn't have been taller than a one-half meters. What he lacked in height, however, was made up for in width. He seemed to be bundled in sackcloth, creating the impression of an overgrown penguin with rough edges.

"Ooh," mumbled Fo. "Whee…" 

"Santa Claus is co-ming to town," sing-songed Shu.

"I have come!" The tiny man boomed. He certainly had a big voice. "Was I not called?"

"See, what'd I tell you?"

The tiny man waddled into the room. The seven could now see that he wore a thick padded jacket. Sam W took charge, coolly walking towards the portly figure. She shook his pudgy hand graciously. "Professor Regis, I presume?"

Professor Regis eagerly pumped Sam W's hand (she hastily withdrew it). "Yes, yes, my dear! It is I, Professor Regis!" He struggled out of his jacket. Underneath he wore a faded, slightly moth-eaten plum waistcoat with tails with a yellowing starched white shirt and a shabby pair of black pants. His shoes were shiny and black, though cracked in numerous places, and a lurid fuchsia bow tie (once red, perhaps) was fastened underneath his three chins, held up by his bulging Adam's apple, which warbled every time he spoke. From a coat pocket he extracted a squashed black velvet top hat. He perched it cheerfully on his head, then bowed gallantly to Sam W, nearly splitting the seams in his pants as he did so. His top hat slid off his head, but he quickly whipped it back on. He looked a bit like The Cat in The Hat to her.

"Where's the floppy wand?" whispered Nez maliciously to Shu.

Two bushy black eyebrows appeared from under the top hat to touch the professor's eyes. "Was I not called?" 

Sam W regained her position. "No, no, we did call for you."

"Aha! A distressed damsel in need of my expertise!" Sam W blushed scarlet. Sam Cheok nodded off on her desk, jerking awake every ten seconds. Fo coughed loudly, hiding a snigger. Nez drummed her fingernails loudly on a chair next to her, humming "Rio". Shu rolled her eyes, having nothing better to do. "My powers wish you to use?" 

"Now he's talking like Yoda," mumbled Sam C, slipping back into her dreams.

Professor Regis was thoroughly worked up now, his head bobbing so fast that he need both of his hands to keep his hat in place. He beamed up at Sam W. "Would you by chance be a gambler, seeking prophesy? Or are you an earthling divided by death from a loved one, perhaps?"

Fo coughed very loudly indeed. So hard, she started choking for real, and Nez had to pound her hard on the back to make her stop. 

"Well, uh, Professor Regis, sir, I wouldn't really call her a _loved one, but, but…" Sam W smiled in the nervous sort of way she usually did. _

"A companion, fallen in battle?"

"This is guy is nuts!" muttered Kylie, looking somewhat awed.

"Well, um, not quite, Professor…" Sam W bit her lip. "We wish to contact a Ms. Tong."

"Our Science teacher," Nez added quickly.

"Ahh, now all is clear." Professor Regis drew his hands to his temples, closing his eyes.

"Well, _duh, we just __told him," grumbled Fo._

Professor Regis continued, "I see… I see. What sad fate has befallen her?" Sam W opened her mouth to answer, but he cut her off. "A… a silver car… wreckage… a mangled body…"

Sam C, awakened once more, looked ready to throw up.

"You know, Ms. Tong used to drive a green jeep," commented Fo loudly.

"Yes, yes, of course." Regis cleared his throat. "I was talking about last night's television schedule."

"Yeah, right," said Fo under her breath.

"Anyway, it is not I, but spirits that convey the message," insisted Regis. "I much desire, however, to know of her fate, so that the clairvoyant-" 

Kylie cut in swiftly. "We were doing an experiment, and we were heating up the beaker of alcohol, and it caught fire, and-"

Sam W blinked tears out of her eyes. She sniffled into a handkerchief.

Regis rubbed his chins, all three of them. "So that-"

"But she put out that fire with no problem," interrupted Shu. "It was when she was giving back the mid-year exam papers that it happened…"

"A heart attack?" asked Regis gently.

Nez shook her head. "No. Shock. A seizure."

"But why?" Regis prodded.

"We all passed." 

Sam W blew her nose loudly into her hanky. 

"There, there." Sam C groggily thumped her on the back. "She died happy."

"A hero's death," whispered Sam W.

"You desire to contact her now because?"

"Well… we, uh, uh, we…" Sam C shuffled her feet.

"We'd like to see how she is," said Shu briskly. "You know, check on her, see how she's doing in the, er, next life."

Professor Regis' heavy-lidded brown eyes swept around the dusty classroom. "But what of the atmosphere?" he demanded.

"_Atmosphere?" _

_To be continued…_


End file.
